It's funny how I only think to post on my blog when something shitty happens. But there you go. I should really record the fun things in life too. OK, so the shitty part goes like this: I'm tired, tired, tired of my f-ing job. Too much is asked of me and I don't get paid more. Kay wants me to plan this stupid vegan wedding(not mine) just because I'M a vegan. Dumb. I don't know nothing bout planning no catering jobs miss Scarlet. So it is STRESSING ME OUT! I also need more money. Oh, and I should probably work longer hours. Fridays still sucks Balls too. We are always insanely overwrought. And short staffed to boot. I'm just tired of feeling like I need to hold that place together. Elizabeth is still so lazy. So so lazy. I hate her sometimes. Annette is losing her mind. And Todd quits next week. And through it all Kay is just like "La dee da! I see nothing." She didn't even want to put out the help wanted sign until me and Annette both brought it up after another crazy ass Friday.

But looking for a real job is a daunting and scary task. Where do I start? Who do I talk to? What do I want to do? Is this even a good time to look for another job? I mean bad economy, Kay needs me desperately, Wedding and honeymoon looming. The reason I never got a real job in the first place is I'm a big pussy. I don't deal well under this kind of thing. I mean I'd be great at a new job but why can't that job just come to me? Anyway, that's not even why I got on to blog. I wanted to tell you the crazy shit that went down last night.

OK I'm out with the girls at The Saucer having some beer. It was lovely. One of those "fun things" I mentioned above. We all decide to go back to Mallory's house which is cool except my car can't go above 30 mph so I'm forced to take the back roads. I'll probably never get my car back to Little Rock from NLR. Yeah you heard me. My car is still there. Sadly with my phone inside it. Poo. "Why did I leave my car there?" you ask. Well, because some shit hit the fan.

All I wanted to do was go to the gas station to pick up some essentials. Then the dude at the checkout comes around the counter and side grabs me a plants a nasty wet herpes kiss on my mouth. I was like "What the fucK!" It was horrifying! He was so gross and and even if he wasn't, I do not know him! Ew ew ew ew e w e w e w e ew e! He literally chased me out to my car after that and tried to give me a rose. I wish I had run him over. What tha fuck? I freaked out! I called Justin(my hero) and he called the cops. I didn't even think to call the cops but I guess it was the right thing to do. There was much dealing with law enforcement the rest of the night and it kinda made my whole night poopy. Justin came and got me so I didn't have to drive the back roads home in the dark at midnight and that is why my car AND my phone are not with me. poop on last night. I was having a good time until then. What a nasty fucker.

Today Sucks

So here is how my day has gone so far. Starts out I'm running really late for work so I can't take a shower. Balls.Then I forget to put the dog out after I have left the garage soi I have to re-open the garage door, run inside and put the dog out. So before I left for work I told myself "do not take the interstate" because my car is messed the f up and it wont go over 35 mph right now. Balls. I forget and only recall this logic as I'm getting on the freeway. So I'm stuck going 35 on the busiest strech of I430 until I get off at the next exit. My neck still has kinks in it from the stress. Then I get to work. All is well except I'm 30 minutes late. No biggie. Elizabeth shows up in her pajamas. I hate that bitch sometimes. We get really busy and she proceeds to run around with her nasty "I will never gain a pound" belly hanging out all day, doing nothing. She never does shit. Put some damn clothes on nasty. Did I mention we were busy. So I was expecting a call from the auto shop because I tried to get an apointment with a transmision palce over the weekend but they were closed so I left a message. BUT I for got my phone at home because I was in such a hurry. So I do remember to take the back roads all the way home just to check my messages and turn right around because I have to take it over to the transmision place now. I pass right by the place, of course, and have to drive down the road, turn around, and come back. I get there, the guy takes my car around the block and tells me " It's not a transmisions problem" and gives me back my keys. He introduces me to the other guys next door who tell me "bring it back at 7 tomorrow morning." Why can't I just leave it here now?! Fine. I go get in my car and, low and behold, it dies. I try to start it again. It dies. Oh great! What the FUCK NOW? I'm probably out of gas I tell the guy who comes back out to be like "what's wrong with her now?" My dad, who is there to drive me back to my house if I HAD left her there, drives me around the block with my little gas can to buy a smidge of gas to see if that's what the problem is. I only need two dollars worth of gas but the line in the gas station is ten miles long with some ugly bitch up front trying to figure out how to buy a lottery ticket. Geeze lady the line is out the door. Do it another time! I get my gas (Finally) and turn around to go back to my car. Pour it in and after a couple of tries, she starts right up. I was out of gas. Balls. The embarasment. So, I drive back to that same gas station where I now find it all packed up and there is no way I'm getting gas with all those cars there. I drive to the next gas station and as I'm pulling in someone pulls in from the other side and cuts me off. OH MY GOD BITCH! DID YOU REALLY HAVE TO PULL ALL THE WAY FORWARD?! what couldn't she have stopped at the first pump. It's not like she didn't see me either. I almost hit her. I get gas and cruise on home. I get back ond realize in the driveway that I put the little garage door opener in the bottom of a huge bag of stuff I gathered up out of my car because I THOUGHT I was going to be leaving my car at the shop. Balls. I get out, open the door manually and park my car. I realize as I'm getting out the garage opener from the bag, "Fuck! I forgot to go to the bank." I back her up and head back out. TWO cars then try to KILL ME and I barley survive through fast reflexes. One of them was litterally drivng down the wrong side of the road. I hope those poeple die. I put my check in the bank and head back. Once I get here I let the dog in and go outside to get her bowl. And lookie lookie, she has chewed the hose I spent 30 minutes setting up on its little windey upy thingy into a million bits all over my yard. I THOUGHT I put it up where she couldn't get it. I go to the laundry room to start the dryer because I will be damned if all this is going to stop me from finally getting the laundry done and step in a huge puddle of cat piss. Balls.

Weddings.

Blarg. I'm getting fed up with this whole "wedding" thing. I KNOW I need to start planning it but it's annoying and it's hard to find time. I want to start by nailing down the honeymoon. I know that will inspire me to further care. But I can't find any damn time to sit down with Justin and talk. We are sooo busy. Doing what exactly I'm not sure. I guess last weekend it was the wine party, then going to the races, THEN going to Mom and Dad's house for dinner. I just wanted to spend time with Courtney while she was in town (she has gone back to Italy by the way and I miss her SOOO much!) And now Justin has gone outta town for the weekend. How the hell are we ever going to figure this out? Uhg.

I need to get it figured out before everybody starts planning it for me. Everyone is always annoying me with their questions and ideas. I know they mean well and they think I WANT to talk about it. I probably would if it weren't like talking about....That research paper you've got due @ 6 am tomorrow morning that you haven't even started on yet. I am procrastinating somewhat but really I just don't know where to start and I can't do it all. It's not even supposed to be that big of a deal. Yes, lots of people are supposed to come but I don't want it to be that "wedding" that you see on TV or that you go to at the reception hall. With the flowers and the shiny stuff and the people in white button up shirts picking up after you. And the cheesy DJ. Bleh. I mean don't get me wrong, those things are pretty and enchanting and memorable but I couldn't be less interested in that crap. It's just not....me.

At work we are planning to cater a lady's son's wedding. She is planning it all and he and his bride are vegan, like me. So, to me falls the task of figuring out what they are going to eat. So I kindly gave the STRANGER my phone number. And KAY let slip that I am also getting married. and now....You guessed it, she calls me ALL THE TIME and she is one of those people who you think is about to shut up and then she just goes off on another freakin tangent. She called me to see what I was doing for my wedding cake, she called me to see if i was going to the bridal fair last weekend, she brought me a wedding planning booklet from said bridal fair. It's like she's suddenly my BFF. She's a crazy person. Leave me alone you harpie!

Justin's mom called me yesterday and talked to me about it for like 30 minutes. Geeze louize! I don't talk to MY mother on the phone for more than 2 minutes,. Or my best friends. Or Justin. I hate talking on the phone. She has all these "great ideas" and things we "Just have to do" Like now she wants to invite lots of people to the rehearsal dinner instead of just the people in the wedding party and she wants to gather all of our baby pictures and put them in a "PowerPoint" which means a slide show I believe. Annoying! I don't want to do that. How uhg! Nobody wants to sit around and look at pictures of me and Justin when we were babies. If they wanted to see that then they already have.

She also brought it up at Christmas dinner (I was forced to attend this decidedly un-vegan event)and made it the main topic of conversation. I told her everything that I do already have planned. But everything that wasn't set in stone she had ideas for. Plus, she made us promise before we knew what she was about to say, to "do just one thing" for her. Justin "just has to" wear a tuxedo. "he'll look so handsome!' Just like at Beau's wedding." Lord woman! It's gonna be a hundred degrees outside! No way. And that totally doesn't fit us at all. Justin would hate it and he would look outta place in a field in the middle of the country getting married in a tuxedo. Sigh. why me? Why couldn't Justin's mom be some drunk or dead or something. Those things I could deal with.

Rant rant rant.

Anyway the point the point. I should get to the point. I guess I'm writing this in hopes that I will inspire some new interest within myself. I think it did spark some enthusiasm for it all. Or maybe not. I think this chat just inspired enthusiasm for murder. Oh well, better luck next time.

It's a new decade. What do I want out of it?

So, it's a new day in a new year in a new decade and I figure I should probably update my blog. It has been forever since I started it and then let it peeter out. I heard on the radio that writing a regular blog can be a great source of happiness so I think one of my efforts this year is going to include more blog time. After all, happiness IS what we're after. In the constitution we are guaranteed life, and liberty but we're only guaranteed the "pursuit" of happiness. I guess that means it's up to me to make me happy.

Happiness, Happiness. What is this? It has been defined as "a state of mind characterized by feeling contentment, love, satisfaction, pleasure or joy." Hmm, is that really all it takes to sum it up? Actually, that seems like a lot. Starts me questioning whether I have all that. Or any of that. I know I have love(in abundance), I feel satisfaction regularly, with large and small achievements. Even folding a load of laundry brings satisfaction. Pleasure and joy? Pleasure happens almost every day. Joy is more elusive but not missing entirely from my life. I feel like I do have contentment. I feel content with life. Here is a question though. Does contentment lead to complacency? Do I let my contentment hold me back?

Courtney has pointed out a time or two that working for the museum in Chicago was a satisfying and fulfilling job. That she made money enough and felt like an achiever. And that was why she couldn't stay there. She knew it was holding her back. She was too comfortable there. Too "content" you might say. She wanted to be free to pursue her bigger dreams and knew that the only way to do that was to stop leaning on her "real job" and make time for what she truly wanted.

The problem with applying this to my life is....I don't have any big beautiful dreams. Not that I can think of. No career draws me and I have no desire to get a "better" degree. I toy with the idea of having children but is that what I really want? Not really. Not yet.... Sure my wedding looms in the distance but that isn't really a goal.

You know, I don't really know what I'm trying to say here. This is why I don't ever dwell on this subject. It befuddles me. I really am....Happy. It's just sometimes, when people ask me what I do, I feel uncomfortable telling them I work at a restaurant in the same town I grew up in, not far from where I went to collage. I still hang out with the same friends and do the same stuff on the weekends. I still go on basically the same vacations every year. Oh bother. I love all these things though. I like my job. I like Little Rock. I like my friends and I like to go to the beach. I like my life the way it is. I think it's not really my fault. Maybe "society" or our social morays are pushing me to climb life's ladder. To always be "reaching for the stars" and to "climb every mountain" Like I've got something to prove to the world. But if proving something to the world takes away my contentment, what is it worth?

Puppys

I don't really have time to write much because I'm supposed to be getting ready to go to work, but I thought an update was necessary. So, great news, we have agreed to a price on a house and we will close on it on the 20th of October. Yay! Plus, it's the house I really wanted so that's just great. I now need to start planning the decorating and painting. I need to have a plan of action so I can get everything done and we can move in buy the end of October so we don't have to pay another months rent. Anybody feel like painting.
It's a crazy life right now with stuff planed for every weekend and the new baby. Oh, didn't I tell you, we spontaneously got a dog. We it's not that spontaneous. Justin has been practically begging for a puppy for a long time. When Mamaw had these Labrador Retriever puppies she couldn't take care of I was slightly interested. When I learned they were female, yellow labs I was like "Sign me up!" Anyway now we suddenly have a dog. I wanna call her Boomer and Justin doesn't but he doesn't have any suggestions so I think I win by default. She has already been so much work though. It is just adding to the Craziness. I feel really bad about leaving her here by herself all day but whats a girl gonna do? I've gotta work right? Anyway speaking of work I need to go do that so I will talk more about Craziness and houses and puppies later.

Thoughts

OK, now I'm doing this too. We will see how long this lasts. Just seems like a fun way to kill time and a neat way to get all your swirling thoughts lined up in a row, right? If it becomes work..., well who has time for more work? Actually I sorta do have time for more in my life. Or I guess I do right now. I don't work full days like regular people, or even go to school. I don't have kids constantly asking for my time and I don't keep my house like a fanatic(some of my friends do), I don't have hobbies(besides reading obsesivly), play sports or do volunteer work, so technically I do have time for more.

But I have a plan. I'm going to start trying to fix up a house. I would get off work in the afternoons and, when money permits, I would turn a structurally appealing house into a modern updated WOW house. With my own two hands. Sweet! I would actually be working for us(Me and Justin) and I would be my own boss at my new afternoon "job". That is if we can ever buy one. I liked this house that we just put in an offer on and then the sellers countered with something we wont even think about accepting. Now Justin is saying don't get too attached. I have to agree though. It's only your dream house if you can get it at your dream price. I really want to start envisioning the house as it would be after I have my way with it, but is that considered getting your hopes up?

So there is all that on my mind. And I feel kind of guilty because I SHOULD be thinking about THE WEDDING. I really want to worry about that but we just don't have the money or time right now. I feel like I'm letting the wedding down. I'm not being a very good planner. I should be buying stuff for it at this point. Oh well, I guess the house purchase lasts 5 or 10 years and the wedding lasts a day. Anyway. That is not all that's on my mind but that's probably enough said today.